Talking about sexuality with teens (1126)

Parents play a major role in sexuality education. Figuring out what to say and when to say it can be difficult. Here are some suggestions that can help.

1. Accept the fact it's not easy.

Many of us grew up in homes where sexuality wasn't discussed at all. Or, we may have picked up negative attitudes and messages from our own parents. Now we live in a society where attitudes about what's right and wrong have changed a lot since we were kids. That's confusing for everyone, including our kids.

Being uncomfortable doesn't eliminate our responsibility to talk to our kids about sexuality. It helps to be open about our discomfort by saying things like, "It's not easy to talk about this, but I think it's important for us to try."

2. Examine our values and beliefs.

It's our responsibility to help our kids figure out what's right and wrong. By examining our own values and attitudes, we're in a better position to share what we believe and explain why we feel that way.

3. Be ready to discuss a range of issues.

Be prepared to discuss anything from facts about puberty, how the human reproductive system works, sexual intercourse, homosexuality, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases to personal and family values, beliefs, attitudes and concerns - the positive side of human sexuality - focusing on relationships.

4. Pay attention to how you communicate.

There are no step-by-step directions to help parents say what they'd like to say when it comes to sexuality, but these guidelines can make it a little easier:

- Find out what your teen is thinking. Parents can get the ball rolling by asking teens what they're thinking about a specific issue or concern.

- Use "I-messages". If we want our kids to pay attention to what we say, we need to avoid using words that will put them on the defensive.

5. Choose the right time.

Instead of scheduling a time to get the "THE TALK" out of the way, be prepared to talk about sexuality issues any number of times. We're usually more comfortable about these things when they come up naturally.

We need to pay attention to our kids and be ready to respond when they ask questions. They won't always ask direct questions. We need to be alert to other, less obvious ways of trying to let us know they'd like to talk.

Our daily lives provide a rich variety of "teachable moments" for sharing facts, opinions and feelings about sexuality. Newspaper and magazine stories, movies and TV shows, ads, and commercials provide opportunities for sharing opinions and values concerning sexuality.

6. Pay attention to what you're teaching when you're not talking.

Kids notice the way we relate to our spouses or other significant persons in our lives.

7. Find other resources.

If you're not sure you'll be able to talk about sexuality with your kids, don't give up. Try some of the following:

- Look for more information.

- Provide your child with a supply of books and pamphlets.

- Locate others whom your child can talk to.

For more information on this subject, Please visit the College of Agricultural Sciences Publications Web site.

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