Suspect your teen is abusing alcohol? (1125)

Being a parent of a teenager can be frustrating and difficult. That’s especially true for parents who suspect their teens may be using alcohol or other drugs. It’s something that happens in the very best of families, and when it does, it’s important for parents to face the situation realistically and constructively. If your child is abusing alcohol or other drugs, he needs you more than ever. Here are some steps you can take to help.

Step One: Gather Data

Take a realistic look at what’s been going on in your child’s life. Be prepared to use this information to point out exactly why you’re concerned and why you feel so strongly that something needs to be done. Things to look for include changes in friends, school performance, family relationships, and personality changes, as well as evidence your child has broken rules regarding curfews and the use of alcohol. Don’t underestimate your child’s ability to cover up her alcohol use.

Step Two: Assess the Situation

If your child does come home intoxicated, try to determine how much alcohol he has consumed in order to determine whether medical attention may be necessary. Keep in mind that trying to "talk things over" while a child is intoxicated probably won’t help anyone very much. You’ll be upset, and your child may not even remember much of what’s being said. Arguments at these times can easily turn into physical confrontations.

Step Three: Choose a Neutral Time

As soon as your child is sobered up, tell her that you’re concerned and insist on talking about what’s happened. Avoid arguing and lecturing, and try to remember that angry words spoken in rage or fear are often counterproductive. Ask your child to agree on a time, within a day or two, when you can sit down and discuss the situation and what needs to be done about it.

Step Four: At the Appointed Time, State What You’ve Observed and Explain How You Feel about It

Use "I-Messages" to talk about things that lead you to suspect there’s a problem. Avoid criticism or blaming your child. Instead, stick to the facts about his behavior and point out why you’re worried and concerned. As an example, you might say, "I’m concerned because your report card came yesterday and all your grades have gone down".

Step Five: Anticipate Your Child’s Response and Be Prepared

Teenagers can be very persuasive when they want to convince you of something. Parents often end up believing what they want to believe. In this case, your child may try to deny there’s a problem, pass it off, or insist she is perfectly capable of handling it. Be prepared to let your child know you do not intend to be talked out of what you need to do. Failure to take action could have devastating results for your child and the rest of the family.

Step Six: Tell Your Teen You Plan to Follow Up and Be Prepared to Do So Regardless of His Actions

It helps if you’ve done a little homework so you know what kinds of resources are available to help you and your teen. Educate yourself so you can speak credibly to your child about alcohol and other drugs. Make a list of persons and places that can be of help. Be sure to give your teen a chance to decide what option to follow. If she refuses to cooperate, let her know you plan to follow through on your own if necessary.

For more information on this subject, Please visit the College of Agricultural Sciences Publications Web site.

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