Setting reasonable limits (1101)

The limits you set for your child are like guard rails on a bridge—they provide a sense of security. Setting limits tells a child "I care about you, I want you to be safe, and I want you to act responsibly so you'll learn to get along happily with others."

Before you set a limit, ask yourself: "Is this rule really important?", and "Is my child capable of doing what is expected?"

State your limit clearly and simply so your child understands exactly what is expected. Concentrate on telling him or her what to do, rather than what not to do.  For example, you may set a limit of not throwing blocks in the house because it might harm the other children or the property. Instead of saying it in negative terms, such as "don't throw the blocks!" frame it in a positive teaching way by saying, "Blocks are not for throwing, blocks are for building. If you want to throw something, play the bean bag game." You can strengthen the teaching process by demonstrating throwing bean bags.

Limits must be enforced consistently. This provides an atmosphere of security and direction for children. A child's respect for parents is likely to diminish if the rules keep changing and enforcement is inconsistent.

The ultimate goal in setting limits is to help children develop self-control and self-direction. Talk to your children about problems and encourage them to suggest guidelines for their own behavior. Remember, the limits you set for your child at 3 may not be appropriate at 5. As your child matures, your limits should grow also.

For more information on this subject, Please visit the College of Agricultural Sciences Publications Web site.

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